From the Cradle to the Grave

  1. Coach Stuffnjunk sat in his office, mulling over transfer candidates and trying to determine the direction of the Ratlings. The team had suffered so many losses this season: five games, six grave plots, and six friends. Those Rats who did not return truly embodied the team motto of “WIN! Or die trying…”. But no matter how hard he tried he could think of little else but the letter…

The letter had arrived just hours after the Ratlings’ final defeat of S9. It was attached to a mockery of a Dignity fruit basket, filled to the brim with putrid, rotten fruit from all corners of the known world.

Coach Stuffnjunk,

You have defied us since our first associations in Season 4. You have attempted to organize a completely unsuccessful Resistance movement ever since. You stole our employees Seek and Destroy. You even attempted a “secret” breakout of one of our prisoners

We held no ill will. We even let you have a taste of success. A prestigious spot in the Bloodweiser Bowl during Season 6 and even Playoffs in Season 8! However, you had debts that require payment. And we always collect.

But I guess you can consider us even now. You took our money, our time, and maybe a bit of our peace of mind. But we took more.

Your Resistance failed because you have nothing to offer those who serve with you. We, on the other hand, pay quite well. And we have agents everywhere.

Seek and Destroy were poisoned before their “untimely” death. Even if they had survived the game you would have watched as blood slowly poured from every orifice until there was nothing left.

Coach More Shots has been working with us since before the breakout. We let you take him to further our agenda. Did you really think a ragtag Blood Bowl team could dispose of trained Orcatraz guards?

And lets not forget the losses of Season 9. So many deaths and injuries. Slinij failed to get himself into the End Zone more often than normal didn’t he? Maybe it was all the additives to the Warpstone he has been buying from us. Or maybe he just listened and took the dives as instructed. After all, he had debts to pay. Its so nice when a tool fulfills its purpose isn’t it?

Well, in hindsight, maybe we took a little more than you did. We can’t leave a debt uneven can we? We put together a little gift basket to even things out.

In Honor of the many achievements of Coach Stuffnjunk84 and the Repulsive Ratlings. Inside you will find the Fruits of your Labors. Enjoy.


Stuffnjunk read the letter again and again, trying to figure out his next move. He must have dozed because when he looked up Slinij was standing in front of his desk.

“So I guess you know what this letter says about you and your actions this season. Do you have anything to say for yourself? Or is it yourselves now?”

Slinij kept his heads low, seemingly in a gesture of submission. He was completely silent, not even the sound of breath could be heard in the small office.

“Nothing to say at all? After everything we have been through? After we created a family here? You were always there for me Slinij. I thought I meant more to you than this.”

The movement was so fast, so fluid, so natural that Stuffnjunk could not even react until it was over. Slinij’s right arm was already inside his cloak again before Stuff could clutch the hilt of the Weeping Dagger buried in his chest. He fell to the floor with a thud.

Slinij stood over him and the heads began to whisper:

“We did what we were told-ordered. We scored the touchdowns. We attacked the enemy-opponent. But we got nothing! Just pain-torture. We are the Stars. Its our time now. Ratlings need new coach-manager. Slinij is more strong-powerful than Coach, so Slinij murder-kill you and become Coach!

Slinij used his foot to twist the Dagger in Stuffnjunk’s chest.

Stuffnjunk felt the world grow colder. He felt the life leaving his body. As the world became a cold, black Nothing all he could feel was the hatred, the burning need for revenge, as hot as a warpstone dagger in the heart…


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