Gaesmal’s Appliance Letter

As Blitzbriegers are already preparing Next Season after an amaaaaaaazing Bowl victory against Bill Cowher Power Hour, Gaesmal found the opportunity to re enter the team, this time as an assistant Coach. Here is the appliance letter he sended to Coach Stunty.

« Hi coach, remember me ? Gaesmal, your strongest smartest lineman ever ! I didn’t really understand what happened at the end of my last game, must have been a mistake, but the apot put me on the wrong pile, the « not coming back » one rather than the « you stay, but for how long ? » one. After this, I tried to explain security gards that I was part of the team, but they never leted me in, besides they admitted that they knew me « and that’s exactly the reason why ». Can you imagine ??? They even pretended that it was your order, coach ! You probably should fire one or two of them, but anyway, that’s not my point here. As I was turning back, I had a vision, a greeeeeat vision about my future. I know it will disappoint you coach, but be strong : I saw that my role isn’t on the field anymore, you’ll have to find someone to replace me. How’s that, it’s already done ? Sadness makes you tell nonsense coach, but don’t worry, I can understand that.

No Coach, my role is much bigger than that : I am the assistant you always needed to get that Total victory we deserve !!! I already have a few ideas for the team to do much better than you did alone with it, have a look at that and I’m sure you’ll be fully convinced.

Idea number ONE (which means, in greatest assistant coach langage : first idea. I think you should get used as fast as possible to those vocabulary subtilities, but don’t worry I’ll be patient at beginning) :

Rely on my family !! I saw you hired my gipsy cousin, but what did you do of him last game ? He didn’t even get the ball once ! I’m pretty sure this assassin would be much better used as a Blitzer. Sometimes I really wonder what you have in mind, coach. And don’t tell me it’s because he isn’t fast enough, resilient enough or blocker enough. Those considerations are sooooo season 3 coach, please live in your time, we’re almost in Season 5 now, helloooo ! Moreover, I have another gipsy cousin that should be hired as fast as possible. Lucky you, I already contacted him in your name and guess what ? He’s ok to play as a Blitzer too. He’s supposed to arrive tomorrow, I let you deal with his arrival party, I can’t do everything by myself.

Idea Number TWO (which means the idea that follows idea Number ONE ; I know that looks complicated, but with a little training you should be fast at ease with it)

Now the Death Valley is very well named for us, as we’ll have to face « Bring Tod Tetons ! », « Bull Cover Tower’s Ours » and « Martyr Shocked Whores ». We’ll have very tough and dangerous games, and if you keep on playing this way we’ll go to disaster, without your respect. Here’s the masterplan : Strike them first !!! When we’ll be playing 11 vs 3, you’ll see how everything is easier. Stop trying to dodge boss, knock those fragiles orcs, dwarves and men-that-are-horny-but-not-in-the-way-you-think !!! Easy as one-two-three, and you never thought about it. Come on coach !

Idea Number THREE (Actually I don’t know what it means yet, I’m still at lesson 2 of « greatest assistant coach langage for dummies »)

I think you really rely way too much on Lildhil and Banlaen. Jsut because they can leap ? Just because they scored 80 % of our TD untill now ? Come on coach, we’re not trying to impress witches on the beach here ! Moreover I always found them cocky. Just use them as linemen, and give a bigger chance to my cousins. Stop saying this is the same idea than first one, it has nothing to do with it ! Concentrate a little, or we’ll never manage to anything.

Idea Number FOR (I have a doubt about the spelling, but don’t worry I’ll find the answer as soon as I move two lessons forward) :

From Season 3 to Season 4, one thing almost never changed : we have a BIG problem with interceptions. Come on coach, something must be done about it !! What happens when several players try to catch a ball ? They prevent each others from cathing it. So the solution is simple : wait for the catcher to be totally surrounded before you pass him the ball, so opponents won’t manage to get it! Simple. Efficient. Gaesmal’s style.

Idea Number… ELEVEN (why not?) :

Team is too fragile, you don’t manage to apply idea Number TWO ? Wait for every players to be wounded, and then play with my cousins only. 2 vs 11, that’s the least they need to find a game interesting. Stop denying, you never even tried ! Please, agree that you need to put your old-fashioned coaching in question.

Idea Number #@%$  (I don’t know what number is the very last one yet, but this is my very last idea)

Witches, by their different play style, need special training. I’ll look after it personally, on a bed so no one’s risking to be armed during training. And I’ll take care of their resting time too, but I already can tell you that we’ll need a Jacuzzi for that.

As you can see coach, all you need first is me. I’m sure you’ll take the right decision, and don’t worry about fame : I’ll leave it all to you (but I keep B… Sorry Witches). Just give me call, and I’ll make you the most famous Blitzkriegers coach ever !! »



  1. Wow the only one that really understand that i’ll finish with a knife in my back is Rez, thanks mate! In front of so many (yes, 5 is so many) FOR votes, Gaesmal is offically hired (well as soon as I go back to my PS). one of his main missions will be to write a diary on the team in his personal style… Thx everyone for voting, I think this might happen again for other decisions!

  2. Late to the party, stunty, but for the record I like Gaelsmal too! I think he has some awesome revolutionary ideas! I especially like the surrounding the catcher and passing the ball idea… And using withces as lineman idea! 🙂 …

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