Gaesmal’s Diary: Season 5 Opening Meeting!

Hi Dear Diary,

Back in business, season 5 is starting ! Even better : I was on time to assist Stunty in his first meeting with the team, to explain what we’ll have to face and how we gonna handle it. Least I can say is that season is scary ! Oh and I was supposed to intervene to talk about the gold I collected from Mr Drumph too, but I don’t know why Stunty erased it from schedule when I told him how many I had collected. He always prevent me from triumphing even when I succeed, this is getting really tireding.

Stunty started with the season schedule : 1) Dwarves, 2) stinky dwarves, 3) fat small dwarves,… before he could even go further to tell who we would face on fourth game, three linemen fainted. « Hey coach, lucky we don’t have to play 11 dwarf games or we would have the whole team uncouscious now !» said I to improve the atmosphere, but it didn’t work : Stunty was busy arguing with Lildhil. Our star runner was threatening to leave the team if we keep on playing dwarves and other green skins but no sexy team, and was shouting at coach asking him why, why, whyyyyy didn’t he choose the conference with all those gorgeious nords in it rather than Death Valley again and again. Stuntman answered that if he loves light armors, we’ll face skinks in fifth game but Lildhil started to cry, saying that it’s not an armor question but simply finding true love, « as we all aim it ». At that moment rest of the team kept silent or started whistling, looking at the sealing but nobody really agreed with their team mate, so he cried even harder complaining about being unfairly misunderstood. He finally calmed down when he was told that we would face woodies on fourth game. He even found back his smile, probably thinking of those gracefull moonwalkers wardancers in action. Meanwhile, my cousin was shouting some terrible things too, apparently about ordering the rest of the team to let him handle troll killers with his blade, but as usual no one was able to clearly understand him. So he went to a room’s corner muttering threats, hopefully toward our opponents rather than us.

Atmosphere got much better when Stunt started to talk about fourth game, against the woodies. The whole team looked really relaxed untill the treeman were mentioned. One lineman refainted, I started to feel we would never manage to finish this meeting on time, which was a bit annoying as I was supposed to go to swimming pool after but coach didn’t look concerned about it at all. That guy is hard and selfish, actually. He finally continued : « 5) Lizermen – with a Krox, coach ? – Yep -boom- Apo we need you once more with that one ! 6) Chaos – Nooooooo !!! – and 7) Orcs.» At that very moment a lineman curled up, crying and shouting meaningless things, hitting ground with his fists and shivering from everywhere. « We don’t need an apo anymore but a psychiatric doctor », noticed properly Banlaen. Only Lildhil kept his smile, but I’m pretty sure he stopped listening to coach after fourth game was mentioned anyway. But still, right after that he started to get nervous, and asked if we could move on now because « For no reason in the world I would miss the Solus Savers vs Champions of Valhalla game, no way ! I can’t wait to see their season 5 new outfits !» I wandered why those outfits were so important to him, but I still was impressed by his professionnalism – watching opponents’ games is a remarkably serious behaviour I guess. Probably he wanted to study those outfits to find a weakness in those armour, what a great guy.

With all those faintings I was almost late at swimming pool so I let the team go to training without me, which didn’t look to bother them at all by the way. Brave fellows ! They wouldn’t ever show their disappointment to anyone. I had one last look at all of them before I left : I’m quite sure some of them will be missing for season ending celebration…


  1. Hahaha! Great stuff. I laughed my juice all over myself. “Can’t wait to see their season 5 outfits.”

  2. I love the Gas Mile articles! I think Lidhil night need to focus on the gameplan a bit more though…

  3. I have been a bit rubbish lately in catching up on news… So am very late to the party. Fantastic, as always, however! I also laughed out loud reading this!

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