Gorbag banishes Lizard hoodoo!

Titans banish Lizard hoodoo!


Derek Winleberry here, on what proved to be an elated night for the Titans and their green crew of misbegotten bounders.

witch – To blame?

Charlatans, witch doctors, voodoo shamans… all were castigated by Coach Doneagle last night as the Green Tide Titans pulled off an unlikely win against their bogey team. The Titans have historically struggled against the amped up ‘roid head, blue skinned menace that are known as the Leaping Lizards, however tonight they finally rid themselves of that skink on their back.

Starting out in a very tense first half the Lizards received the ball and moved from side to side like a drunken leprechaun looking for a gap in the Orc defence. When finally identified they surged up the right flank creating a breach with Hodor the Krox in the cage and Billy the skink in possession, however they failed to close off from attack from the rear. Unusually it was Cliffard, one of the lesser known blitzers, not Louise who crashed the party in the tradesmans entrance, smashing Billy to the turf and dislodging the ball. After some unseemly shenanigans which also saw Robshank knock out arch nemesis Wade after chasing him down for a rematch. Lizzy III had no option but to run down n orc defensive tunnel, unfortunately the stunty one didn’t make it through and the ball popped out for arch diva Gorbag managed to snaffle it and break down the Lizards right flank. Finally managing to outpace the chasing Lizard pack for the first score of the game.

Gorbag in cap Gorbag has scored 6 of the Titans last 6 TD’s… but don’t tell anyone.

The second half kicked off with a stunning injury to Munch the Black Orc as a rock was thrown in his direction… it was interesting to note that coach Doneagle was not in his usual spot by the touchlines at this point. In addition to that setback, the Titans also saw Wade eagerly retake the field looking for reparations on Robshank. The Lizards blitzed through the gap left by Munch’s absence and retained the ball with their eager skink, Ricky. Saviour of the first half, Cliffard managed to knock himself out attempting to dodge away from Hodor the Krox and Hambo was also injured by Silly in a rare skink block. The Titans were getting short on numbers and relied once again on Gorbag to snatch up the ball and make up to the centre line.

It was around this time the Tide started to shift (forgive me!). The beleaguered Titans received some mana from heaven on the injury front when Blorc Minty levelled the dubiously over-muscled Saurus, Slade. To all intents and purposes… this was an ex Lizard… however the Apothecary managed to get him moving again with a suspicious injection which was quickly disposed of and he took his place in the dugout. Immediately after however an unfortunate one die block from new Saurus, Oliver, reaped no green harvest for the Lizards and allowed Gorbag to streak away and position on the edge of the TD zone. Hodor was the last possibility for stopping the damaging score, but like he had multiple times already in the game, he boneheaded when required and stood there in mute stupor as Gorbag scored again in turn  13.

The Titans welcomed back Cliffard and the Lizards had 3 of their skinks back on the field for the last 3 turns, but with time against them they only managed to claw back one of the TD’s to leave the game at 2-1 to the Titans as the ref finally blew up. Euphoric scenes from the travelling Titans fans who had been routinely mocked for their teams numerous armour failures in previous encounters, they thoroughly enjoyed turning the tables on the rapidly exiting Lizards fans.

I caught up with Coach Thunden immediately after the game, after he had jumped all over me and sprayed me with some DONG Perignon (saltiest champagne I ever had, eeurch!), he had this to say, “Best game of the season Del Boy? No. Greatest spectacle Derek my old china? No. But hell it’s nice to get this win after being derided by a certain other coach for months now… This puts on a good trajectory. Win our last two games and we’re play off bound again. The Titans faithful will accept nothing less. Tough games against the two sets of elves will test us and we’ll have to be on our metal to stop them. Fair play to the Lizards… but this has been coming for them for a while from us! Get in!!!” I got out of there before more sprayage commenced…!

dom perignorc

Rumours circulated after the game that Coach Doneagle was so despondent he was considering taking a break from the game after the conclusion of this season. Shocking news if true, one can only surmise that this abject home defeat in an up and down season was the trigger… we are sure that Coach Thunden would simply hate to be the catalyst for such a devastating event.

Until next weeks elf fest, toodlepip, keep those pipes stoked!



  1. All this amazing press, for Gorbag! Now comes the MML Jinx in play.
    #Miss Cleo predicts Gorbag does NOT make it past this season

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