Grunts Handle the Truth, Claim Victory

THE BATTLE FIELD – Last night the Grunts showed up to play the Season 2 Champions, the Cold Hard Truth. The Grunts shown brilliantly against the Champs and walked away with the top spot in the Dungeon West Conference. We caught up with head coach Preach after the game.

Preach: “…nah, go ahead and give him another. No, the other one…bah, whatever. Oh, sorry….”

Preach: “Well, we played a good game. We made some mistakes there in the second half that cost us a score, but otherwise the Grunts did as we practiced. It’s a win.”

Reporter #1: “Coach, no disrespect, but the final score was 1-1…that’s a tie.”

Preach: “Steve is it? Yes, well Steve…perhaps you didn’t check the standings. Perhaps you didn’t see that while the Champs lost last week, the Grunts were busy winning. Perhaps you aren’t too savvy on how this all works, so let me break it down for you: Grunts won.”

[Commotion ensues as the fans of the Grunt Nation reinvigorate the ‘Go Grunts’ chant.]

Preach: [points to another reporter] “Yeah, can’t hear you…too loud.”

Reporter #2: “Other coaches around the league have expressed some reservation in handling lizardmen teams, you don’t seem to have any issues, what was your game plan coming?”

Preach: “Other coaches probably don’t have the fortitude for it I guess. Lizardmen are a one dimensional team once you take away their options. Our game plan was to put them in to positions that caused them to rethink their options and force them to play the ball. It didn’t hurt that we effectively eliminated their giant crocodile and neutralized their skinks.”

Reporter #3: “The Grunts made some off-season acquisitions that seem to be paying off. Can you address that?”

Preach: “Gladly. Leeroy is a top prospect, but this was only his second real game playing with the Pros. He has some nerves to work out, but thankfully the rest of the Grunts picked up his slack.”

Reporter #3: “What about Slim Pickens?”

Preach: “What can you say, he’s been phenomenal and well worth his weight in gnomes.”

Reporter #3: “Gnomes?”

Preach: “Yeah, normally trolls eat goblins, but we find a steady diet or gnomes is more nutritious and offers a better balance both with goblin tribe relations and well, the economy. Look, you don’t spit on the referees shoes, you don’t piss in to the wind, you don’t pull the heads off dead players, and you don’t mess around with Slim.”


Reporter #4: “Do you feel that gnome genocide is…well, humane?”

Preach: “Gnome geno…wait, who are you?! I knew it!! Gnome scum! Get him out of here.”

[Security promptly escorts the diminutive sized reporter to the locker room]

Preach: “Give him to Slim. Can you believe that folks? As if the Department of Gnomeland Security wasn’t already over-extending it’s jurisdiction by invading our privacy…they have the unmitigated gall to show up here!?!”

Reporter #1: “Preach, what’s your take on pending league investigation?”

Preach: “Obviously this is some sort of cowspiracy cooked up by those cheddar head rats. I’ve read the rules, heck, I was a consultant on drafting a majority of them, and I’ve never heard of section…whatever. Restitution for a dead mouse? Nuffle Please! Look, the rats are too busy trying to build a better mouse-trap that they got caught unaware. Did the Power Hour players take some heads? Maybe, maybe not. Do they have the heads, sure do. If I was a rat, which I’m not, but if I was I would sever my own head – it’s the honorable thing to do after allowing such shenanigans to take place in your own stadium.”

Preach: “Anything else?”

Reporter #9: “How will the Grunts fair the rest of the year.”

Preach: “I’ll let the Grunt Nation answer that…but to the Warriors and the Truth I say….’Welcome to the family’.”