Hairy Warthog speaks from the heart.

The MML coaches have all been called for an emergency meeting at the Dark Stronghold, nobody knew the reason they were called and were unaware of what they would hear. As the coaches settled on the large astrogranite yard area of the high security prison they noticed the Thugz of Wheldrake team assembling on the platform in front of them. Basebull Fury being the last into view as he was still chewing on a wardancer’s severed arm.  The Beastmen parted and their coach came into view, a few pounds little than he was before. He walked to the front and addressed the awaiting coaches.

“As most of you will be aware the Thugz Of Wheldrake have been absent from the MML pro league this season. The Thugz missed the initial draft and played a few games in the Challenge League”

Hairy appeared to have a tear in his eye and Barcadi one of the Thugz Beastmen provided a handkerchief made from elf skin for his coach to wipe it away. Warthog went on, “The Warthog found himself with no access to his beloved Thugz due to being thrown out by his good lady for talking to somebody he shouldn’t have. Despite my protests, apologies and stressing that nothing ever happened, i found myself moving back in with Mum and Dad Warthog”. In the background an alarm bell sounded and half a dozen Beastmen ran off into a dark corridor to the right.

Hairy continued,  “I didn’t take this too well, and it was the final straw for me. You see I was involved in an incident here at the Dark Stronghold three years ago where one of my fellow jailers was taken hostage, assaulted by three extremist wood elves who threatened to kill him if their demands were not met”. The Beastmen returned to their original position on the platform, it was noticed that Smirnoff appeared to be sporting a black eye but had a manic grin on his face.

“Anyway, with fighting constant memories of that day and losing the Warthog i loved I finally snapped. Isolating himself in a darkened cell for weeks on end i couldn’t see a way out. I saw my apothecary who gave me some concoction to calm my mind and slowly began to feel a bit more warthog again”.

Warthog gave a big sigh and looked at the assembled coaches. “I would like to thank the other MML coaches out there who supported me through this time when at moments I didn’t think I could go on anymore. The MML is a good community of different personalities and races and the constant banter is a welcome source of entertainment. I thank you all”.

Warthog looked directly at the coaches and looked upto the sky, storm clouds were gathering, just what he loved. A good downpour. He added, ” hopefully the Thugz will make an appearance in season 5, we have signed the necessary paperwork and will await approval. We know we are not known for winning, or even scoring touchdowns, to be honest Nurgle hasn’t blessed us with inflicting many injuries and I put alot of the blame for that on the team”! He dashed a looked at Basebull Fury who just grunted and scratched his arse. “It is widely known we take whatever fate throws at us and don’t waste money on attempting to change Nurgle’s decision, and I still swear by that, rerolls are for limp wristed elves”! Elven screams could be heard in the background as if they were being gang probed by very sharp implements! Warthog smiled to himself at these sounds, “damn wardancers” he grinned. “As you can see we have invested in a new astrogranite pitch so with any luck those pesky elves trying to steal a few extra yards will come a cropper, I thank you all for attending this meeting and wish you a safe journey home ………..except the elves, I hope you suffer some unexpected accidents on the way!”

The Beastmen closed in around their coach and he was gone from sight.

The tentacled Minotaur stood assessing the crowd waiting for any stragglers to catch his eye and hoping someone would look his way. Nobody did. He grumbled to himself, wondering what to have for supper, wardancer spleen with fried dwarf testicles or his favorite, diced halfling innards in a snotling sauce.



  1. This may be my favorite story I’ve read in here yet. I wish that Coach Hairy finds some respite from his troubles and some solace for his heart.

  2. Eats it apologizes for smashing the collar bone of one of your chaos warriors and for niggling a beastman -Eats it squad

  3. Keep battling hard top-man we have all fell in the trap of talking to people we shouldn’t!

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