Ice and a “Slice”

Eilivaror is hurt, the team is demoralised and lost, things are bad, can they ever find peace in this strange dangerous place, this “Chaotic Land” (CL*tm) or will they like so many before be lost in the mist of time?


Finally they reach the coast, a large vessel sits offshore in the deep water, they’ve seen its kind before plying the waves like a predator ready to pounce on the weak, its an Ark, a dark elf slaver vessel, it strikes fear into the heart as much as the tales of what happens if your every taken on board. On the beach they see several pavilions, large tents erected and of course the obligatory volleyball court, a couple of scantily clad Elves seem to be enjoying themselves knocking a ball to & fro with inhuman grace and agility.

As they approach activity stops and a welcoming party moves to intercept them, the elves seem relaxed and confident.”good afternoon….Gentlemen” a voice like silk on glass issues from the Elves leader, “Can we help?” seems strange considering the tales told…Sturla steps forward ” we don’t want no trouble, we are just passing through, we are tired, injured and hungry and that makes us dangerous” he hopes the bluff will work. “Your in charge? ” an eyebrow is raised, “your very young to be a Capt. even by your human standards”
“Our Capt.. is injured, he’s over there, so yes ‘I’m in charge at the moment”
“How rude of me, let me introduce myself….. my name is, well, unpronounceable to your human tongue, but it translates as The Lizard King lets see to your Capt., bring him” he motions to a smaller tent over to one side, its door being held open by a very shapely female elf”
“That wont be necessary we can……..” “ACTUALLY IT WILL MOST CERTAINLY BE NESSACARY” the shout from Eilivaror stops everyone as he struggles to him feet and staggers over to the tent… a strange smile on his face, “Ill be fine lads….Er, give our host a game whilst I get…..sorted” and with a wink he’s gone, the door closing behind him.
“Right, you heard him, lets get going, what’s your game, volleyball or NUFFLEball?” the lizard king smiles..

10 minutes later the nets gone, the “court” has been extended and its game on, there’s no way the Norse can compete at volleyball against the graceful ( and mostly scantily clad and very shapely) Elves so they are hoping for brute force and ignorance to see then through….

They Norse kick and the ball lands in the arms of an Elf who theyre are sure wasn’t there a moment ago, an Elf in a cloak flicks out a hand and down goes a linesman, bleeding from a stab wound, the Apothecary is called and he’s patched up, but off for now, so, its all true, these Elves like to mix it up a bit, right, lets get on it!! They also don’t hold back as the ball is moved into the Norse half. Now, Fluffy enraged by the sight of blood piles in and piles on the assassin who flails his knife to ward her off, nope, he’s dead!! again the apothecary is called and works his magic, but now the numbers on pitch are once again equal. The Elves switch sides and move to protect the ball, the Howler twins start to bully the Elves pushing them around, including the Witch Elves who seems to be attracting a lot of attention (strange that!!) Fluffy makes the mistake of trying to move around her and a well placed leg brings her down. The Elves push forward again but the Norse fend them off, and in a almost comical display the witch trips and falls leaving the runner with the ball exposed! Fluffy roars but stays down, a Howler dives in and batters the ball carrier, nope he’s fine, again he hits him, this time he’s down, the Norse jump in and pick up the ball but he’s stood next to the downed Elf, another Norseman runs over and a well placed boot sees the runner carried from the pitch, KOed, result!!
The dark Elves surround the Norse and the Lizard King to everyone’s amazement leaps right over the Norse defence and hits the thrower with the ball, not once but twice he tries, in the end he pushes the Norse back, the witch elf tries to move but is tackled by a linesman and down she goes (again) The other witch is pushed towards the crowd, Fluffy finally finds her feet as a howler knocks down a line elf, Sturla tries to hit an Elf, and gets Knocked out for his troubles. The Elves knock down the thrower, and collect the ball, but they are perilously close to the side of the pitch and the Norse crowd in…… Bert gets KOed by a Witch and off he goes, its now 8 Elves v 7 Norse, The Lizard King seeing the danger leaps right over Fluffy and moves to id pitch in the Norse half, he calls for backup but an Elf trips and he’s left exposed, with only 1 Elf near him, A Howler charges in and knocks him over, the ball bobbles up and is caught by the other Elf (of course) who is surrounded by Norse, whilst this is happening Fluffy KOs another Elf, and a Norseman stamps on an Elf, a whistle is blown and off he goes, looking a little embarrassed…. The Elf with the ball tries to dodge away, and fails, the ball scatters…. right into the arms of yet another Elf (see a pattern emerging here people??) In a flurry of blows the Norse knock out another Elf!! A witch elf piles into the melee, there’s pushes, there’s shoves and suddenly the ball carrier is free!! in the dying seconds of the half he runs off and scores. 1-0 to the Elves.
With very little time left in the half the teams set up again, the Elf’s get 4 KOed players (from 5) back whilst the Norse get 1 (from 3) The ball is ignored as the Norse swarm the line, a couple of knock downs allow Fluffy to bash down an Elf, injuring him, Sturla just back from his KO, looks longingly at the female Elves on the sideline and blatantly stamps on a Elf, again the whistle blows and off he goes, a smile on his face…..

The Elves kick the ball deep and its game (back) on with both teams at less than full strenght, its 9 Elves V 8 Norse, this time the Norse are ready, and before he gets his blade out the assassin his stunned by a swift headbut from a lineman, and the Lizard King himself is downed! Fluffy KOs an Elf, now its 8 v 8 and the ball is picked up and protected deep in the Norse half. The Lizard King leads the assault and with help decides to take on a Howler, a bezerker KOs another Elf, now its 7 v 8 in favour of the Norse who have the ball! The remaining Elves now looking a little uncertain reposition for the next assault…..Which of course is led by Fluffy who destroys another Elf, shes not messing around now! its now 6 v 8 The runner Skalleveg tries to push forward and over exerts hisself, going down clutching his leg and screaming, hes carried off 6 v 7

The assasin who has been lurking decides its time to get involved and his blade flashes, only to be caught on the claws of a very angry Howler, the Lizard king leaps in as another of his team hits the ball carrier, but they only push him back, not down!, The Howler lays about the assassin and floors him as his brother hits the Lizard King twice in quick succession, leaving him stood next to Fluffy who smashes him to the ground, he looks fine, Fluffy drops onto him…… but again hes fine, this Elf has a charmed life!! A Norse bezerker butts a Runner and knocks him out, now its 4 v 7 The Howler decides enough is enough and off goes the assasin, seeing stars but uninjured, a bezerker floors the Lizard King and no there are no Elves standing as the Norse run the ball deep into the Elf half, they even manage a cheeky stamp on the witch Elf on the way past, but nothing……A she stands up, dodges away and crashes into the ball carrier, only his skill keeping him on his feet. The Norse protect the ball carrier as the Elves who stand up are pushes around but not down as the clock winds down, with seconds to spare the Norse remember what they are there for and score 1-1

Again most of the Elves return (4 from 5) and the Norse get one back. The kick is deep, a Norseman on the line is Koed and with a deft pass the assasin shows his skill as the final whistle is blown…..

” Well, that was fun” says the Lizard King, however your comrade Skalleveg has damaged himself beyond even our ability to fix, hes slower now than ever, howevr we can offer a trade…. ” Keep talking” says Eilivaror, who it appears has made a remarkable recovery, altho he is scarred for life, ” we dont sell Crew members” “No? how about a trade? ” “Capt, Capt” its Skalleveg, ” please for all thats holy trade me, they need a cook, just sayin” “But that leaves me short handed if i ever find a ship” Eilivaror argument seems weak at this point, and the Elves look around as a Norseman emeges from a tent further down the beach, “Ill join the crew if youll have me, im Knackered hanging around with all these damn fine Elves, im sore and need a rest, NUFFLEball is looking rather attractive to be honest” Anyone watching him would notice he moves more like an Elf than a human…. “Im still not convinced, what else have you got?” Eilivaror knows hes pushing his luck but feels the need to try it on, ” well we can sell you this, its a potion of strenght, but it has to be consumed by someoen who took part in the match” That seals the deal!! the new Runner is is quickly greeted by his new team mates, money changes hands and the potion is purchased and lots drawn, a Thrower gets it and swigs it down….. Now , where do we go from here……
…..To Be Continued……

This has been my first season in the MML, i picked up Norse on a whim and i must say Ive loved every single game, my opponents have been great and every match had its highs and lows, remember the Yhetee score? being decimated by undead? killing Dwarves? Ive tried to capture these moments whilst paying my opponents the praise they deserve. The Speedo Heroes will continue next season, already its looking tough with lots of bash(ier) teams, and whilst i cannot promise victory in every (or any) game i shall try to give all my opponents an entertaining enjoyable game.

Thanks you to you all, its been the best opening season i could have wished for.


One comment

Join the Conversation