I’m An Elf Coach…

“I’m an Elf coach!!” “Get out of here, Nobody wants you!” I screamed for the hundredth time as I stormed back towards Terry Bruise and the rest of my team, still glaring back at the deadies at their usual spot in the corner of Stop Rolling Ones!!! training pitch.

My voice was getting hoarse from yelling at these stupid deadies, and still not a sound in reply besides some moaning and shuffling.  They had appeared from nowhere, and started congregating at many of the MML’s training facilities recently.  Despite the obvious desire they had to play Blood Bowl, no-one wanted them.  The deadies had shuffled from Pro coach to Pro coach trying to prove their worth but at every stop were given the same answer: “Not Interested”

So eventually, these shambling corpses made their way to even my dirty corner of the woods.  Sexy Rexy had tried to chase them off, but all it took was one mighty mummy slap and he gave that up pretty quickly!  Luckily the deadies seemed to crave interaction with a coach, even when I was screaming at them, and so no mummy slaps for me.

“I said LEAVE!!”  “I’m an Elf coach, you disgust me!” “Watch this deadies, this is why no-one loves you!”  I signaled to Bentard and Greased Up Deaf Guy to start running some passing drills over on the far end of the pitch.  The deadies didn’t blink, didn’t make any sign of paying attention at all.  I had no idea if they could even process thoughts, let alone awesome Wood Elf pitch magic!

They just refused to leave! “Well, I guess it’s better than paying for gargoyles…” I muttered to myself.

A week had gone by, and I woke up in the middle of the night to the sound of an official MML PRO ball shrieking through the air.  “I told Bentard to knock off the late practices” I grumbled sleepily and staggered to the window.  “What…WHAT THE F’ORC?!” I couldn’t believe my eyes as I saw all the deadies running the same passing drills Bentard and Greased Up Deaf Guy had run in front of them every day for the past week! I watched a wight pick up the ball one handed and throw it hard enough to rip the hands off a ghoul…from 60 yards away!!  Suddenly another ghoul started slipping tackles and juking skeletons as he twisted and contorted his body into impossible positions, snatched the ball up and sprinted for a touchdown! It all happened so fast I could barely even process what I had just seen.


Still trying to figure out if I was dreaming or not, I was flying down the stairs two at a time to get a closer look at this insanity.  I burst out the door and jumped back immediately because there was the ghoul, still holding the ball and looking up at me from it’s awkward hunched posture.  The morose creature craned it’s neck around and I could see it shaking from the effort it was expending.


“We Watch”

“We Learn”

“We Elf Too”




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