Independence Day

Coach Rez walked into SRO’s home locker room. It was full of lovely musty dirt and grease, with a smell that he had learned to love.  He was happy, with a smile on his face, proud of the victory over the nefarious Necro Feel-Ya and their Coach Hez. Once arriving there though he quickly noticed there was no celebrating, no smiles, you’d think they had lost the game and half of the team had died.

“What’s wrong?” Rez asked Sexy Rexy, who was cleaning some things out of his locker morosely, and got no response.

“They’re miserable coach.” A deep voice came from behind him. Without even turning around he knew it had to be Pine, aka the Chaos Elf.

“And how do you know tha-” Rez stopped mid sentence because he knew it was silly to even finish. It was clear the entire team was indeed thoroughly depressed.

At this point Rexy finally turned from his locker, and with tears streaming down his face nearly screaming at his coach “THEY’RE ALL GONE COACH….WE’RE THE ONLY ONES LEFT!” Buttons, who was crammed into his corner of the locker room with the extended ceiling, frantically pointed at Rexy in agreement.

Coach Rez looked around his locker room…they were Challenge League Champions…they had been to the MML Pro Finals…but this was a new challenge. There had always been other teams to look up to. Rez smiled and drifted off for a moment, as he remembered watching his now fallen hero Sacerdotalist and the legendary Treehawks terrorize the league. Of watching Mylm’Nor carrying the White Owlz to a championship vs the old Iron League menace Wrecking Kru. Memories even of the finals, and watching Harrellsons shattering everyone’s idea of what a team was capable of.

All Of Them Gone.

They were truly alone, and the team knew it. Buttons had been declared an endangered species just a few weeks earlier, and was going to be hunted into possible extinction.  There would be no mercy offered, and none taken even if it were.

Snapping back to the task at hand, Coach Rez called the room to attention…and gave them a new directive:

Good game men. In less than an hour, we will leave here and prepare for the rest of our games around the world. And you will be launching the largest leaping battle in the history of Elfdom.

Elfdom — that word should have new meaning for all of us today.

We can’t be consumed by our petty differences anymore.

We will be united in our common interests.

Perhaps its fate that today is the 4th of July, and you will once again be fighting for our freedom, not from tyranny, oppression, or persecution — but from annihilation.

We’re fighting for our right to live, to exist.

And should we win the day, the 4th of July will no longer be known as an American holiday, but as the day when the Elves declared in one voice:

“We will not go quietly into the night!

We will not vanish without a fight!

We’re going to live on!

We’re going to survive!”

Today, we celebrate our Independence Day!


  1. It is a shame…. Poor Buttons, and endangered species.. I do miss the elves, for sure.. But SRO’s keep flying the flag.. More elf teams are emerging…

Join the Conversation