Instant Greenmail–Crawford, John (Crawford07)

Gray03: What up, Trey?

Crawford07: Ahh, sup Freddie? Ur back! How you feeling, dawg?

Gray03: Alive & kicking, playa. Just got cleared 2 return. U’ll see me @ practice today. U know those mankini-wearing mofos couldn’t keep me down.

Crawford07: Glad 2 hear it. Looked like they stomped you pretty good.

Gray03: All mindgames, my man. Had to get you guys mad. Y’all wasn’t showing enough fire in the first half. Plus I heard dude got thrown out for the foul.

Crawford07: Haha well if that was the strategy that sh*t worked to perfection. I’m in Climate Studies class right now. We’re learning about the 1991 Halloween Nor-easter storm, which led to Sebastian Junger’s book “The Perfect Storm.” That’s what that match was for Valhalla, the perfect storm. We had 61 successful blocks, broke armor 21 times, KO’d 7 of them, injured 4 of them including their coach, and even killed 2 of those fools, including an ulf! And that’s not even including the fouls! Even the Narc ended up getting his hands dirty. Surf KO’d the yhetee & fouled the other ulf out of the game! Dude, we were 1 away from a pitch clear before I scored the 2nd TD, but Coach Jest made me run it in.

Gray03: Yeah, I heard u put up a hat trick. That’s impressive, man. Respect.

Crawford07: Just trying to honor Trayvon.

Gray03: That yehtee had a terrible match. Our Angry Sun was too hot…melted that Snow.

Crawford07: lolz

Gray03: We might make a proper player outta Pork Rind yet.

Crawford07: Yeah, but I still don’t trust dude. He saw me getting busy on the weights this morning. I mean, I was throwing down like you. Caught him staring at me. I was wondering if he was fruity or something , but then he started asking me if I knew where he could get his hands on something to help him “push beyond his limits” like me.

Gray03: hmm

Crawford07: Yeah, right? I was like, u stronger than I am, why u asking me for advice?

Gray03: F’orcin narc.

Crawford07: I’ll tell u who showed me something 4 real, tho: Kajieme.

Gray03: For real. Dude literally pushed me out of the center spot on the kickoff. Stepped up in front of the Yhetee like “today’s a good day 2 die.”

Crawford07: Fearless

Gray03: The Narc better watch his back. If Powell develops Spamcan may lose his ball carrying duties.

Crawford07: Word. He may have to start throwing more blocks.

Gray03: Might break a fingernail.

Crawford07: lolz that’ll be the day.

Gray03: From what I hear, U got some new comp, 2.

Crawford07: Ha! Coach Jest brought on a new catcher, Ezell Ford, but we gonna be like Batman and Robin.

Gray03: Who gonna be Robin?

Crawford07: Go head with that, fool. You worry about keeping up with Sandra, Alton & Dave, let me and youngblood worry about scoring TDs.

Gray03: As long as Bacon Bits give up that ball.

Crawford07: Stop distracting me, man. Glad u alright, but I’ll c u @ practice. Having a pop quiz on global warming now. Can u believe people in the 21st century didn’t think it was real?

Gray03: Hell, people In the 20th didn’t believe in evolution. Good luck on that exam, bruh. Rats up next. Bring ur bb gun. Holla atcha laterzz.

*Breaking the Fourth Wall: For more info on the real John Crawford III, check out:


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