The Titans changing room is carnage. Gornast the Unheralded is lofted above the Blorc Party’s shoulders, Big Mo is sat in the corner licking his lips and pondering Gornasts dimensions whilst newboy Kohn remains in the KO bin as per usual. Gorbag seems to be a bit aloof from the festivities whilst he gets his mani/pedi/tuski done, one can only surmise he’s weighing up a transfer or festering on the riff raff stealing his limelight.

gorbag diva

A hell of a game against the Teenage Mutant Ninja Lizards. One in which the Titans struggled to match the work rate of their rivals, only managing half the blocks of the blueskins. Their old tricks deserted them and Robshank was twice off the field, once being revived by an apothecary after what looked like a season ending injury. Props to ShotsPoths Ltd.

Titans came into this game with nothing but the wagon crashes of previous Lizard match ups. TMNL riding on a high of securing their playoff spot in the fragile Slightly Naughty Garden Conference. Coach Thunden steadfastly refused to get involved with pre-match shenanigans of conceding the game, preferring to focus on his summer tan. However he did make it known that if in the same situation he saw no issue with conceding if you’ve earnt the right throughout the season.

The game kicked off with the Titans aggressively aiming to reduce the local Lizard population. Rumour abounded of a secret sidebet between MML Bad Boy, More_Shots and Coach Thunden however no further details could be tortur… erm, extracted from reclusive Big Mo fearing goblin, Charlie. However the Lizard positioning was sound and we soon saw Robshank get caught up in the moment and lying on his back after a trademark gutsplash. This gave the blue horde their first opportunity to foul, and foul they did, sending the Cereal Killah to the injury pit but for the intervention of the ShotPoth.

Mid way through the first half there was a break down the right flank by… who else… Gorbag as he waved to the fans however he was brutally knocked down by the skink pack. However with strong support he managed to free himself and get the score in turn 5.

This gave Coach SeriousJest his opportunity to put the orcs on the rack. Not waiting around, the Lizards manufactured a trademark opening down the left flank and got a skink and a saurus in space. Gorbag was woefully out of position and with no one able to make the covering tackles required it was a 7th turn walk in for the top team in the Garden.

Much grumbling and cursing abounded amongst the Titans as the game took this familiar turn. The only rays of light were that the ref had finally woken up and sin binned one of the fouling skinkpack after yet another attack on Robshank.


Second half saw TMNL start a lizard down, but with Big Mo returning the Titans were at full strength. However they struggled to make the numbers work in their advantage. The game entered a cagey tense standoff as the skinks maneuvered themselves for the winning TD whilst Gorbag prowled the 22 waiting for them. Turn 12 saw the inevitable break, the work of the sauruses having opened up a gap for the nippy little rat lizards to dart through. However with the weather blowing a blizzard the ever present danger kept them in sight of Gorbag and his mates. He launched himself for one final blitz and dislodged the ball. A couple of turns of ball guarding and violence later and Ripper Wahrd managed to free himself, pick up the ball and launch his first ever pass in said blizzard to Gornast the Unheralded who only went and caught the bloody thing!

Ambling up the pitch as averagely as his warty legs could carry him, Gornast was in sight of the line… One last break from the only Saurus in town presented him with a serious obstacle as the clock ticked down. He raised his eyes to the heavens, forgot the name of his gods, became dizzy stumbled about and found himself in front of the end zone, forward momentum and the fear of Big Mo propelled him forwards for the winning score and the dirt track robbery of the TMNL.

Next up… the Leaping Lizards… yes they of putting 7 injuries on the Titans in Game 2 fame! Grog or glory!!!!!

orc run