Orcastraz: Live to Die Another Day

To Whom it May Concern,

The sun came up over the tormented island of Orcatraz.  I don’t think I sleep more than 5 minutes the entire night.  The loud metallic clunk unlocked the cells and allowed the animals to roam free and make their way to breakfast.  I waited a few minutes to let the riff raff traffic thru before getting ready for the journey to the mess hall.  But, it was a short trip.  I was met at my cell door by the enormous hand of a black orc.  I was pushed my into my cell with almost no effort at all.  I landed back on my bed and the hulking creature stood over me.

“What ya gon’ do? What ya plan?” the deep voice boomed down at me.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about?  I’m not planning anything.”

The large Orc shifted his weight from foot to foot in a nervous manner.  I wonder what in the world could make a creature like this nervous.  He then glanced over his shoulder and the light shown the scrapped cheek and sharpened tusk.

“You’re Morg’lil. You’re the one from the other night.  What do you want?” I questioned.

He looked back down at me and spook in slow measured words.  He seemed to concentrate on each one as if it was a complex math problem.  “You play the Titans Sat’rday.  Titans game import’nt.  Orc jail not safe for you.  Orcs hate ya. Guards hate ya. Ward’n hate you.  I hate you.”

So, this was it.  I an old grey hair orc had been sent to kill me.  I knew I wasn’t long for this world… I mean I drink too much and I’ve alway lived a risky lifestyle.  That was part of what brought me to coaching blood bowl.  But, I didn’t see getting my head removed by a old orc in a prison as a way that it would end.

“I have family.” I begged, “No, kids or wife…but, parents and a sister.  Please, do me one kindness and when you kill me don’t damage my body so that I can’t have an open casket.  Do that for them not me.”

A low grumble started from the orcs core and slowly grew as it came up his chest and then once it reached his mouth came out as a chuckle. Threw his laugh he muttered, “I’m not here to kill you.  If I want’d ya dead I’d ha let ya leave this cell.  Out this door there are many fools that love the titans and would off ya.  But, that isn’t right to do.  The Titans should have the chance to beat ya. I can’t cheat coach Thunden of beating ya.”

“Thank you for that. So, what is the plan?” I asked.  It felt strange taking orders from and orc.

“Attack me at breakfast. Ya be put in the hole. It safer away from the general public.  You can’t trust the food either might be spoiled or worse poison.”  Morg’lil grumbled down to me. “Stay alive till the Titans can break you.  Then maybe after I kill ya.”

So, at breakfast I stood up and swung at Morg’lil with all my power.  My fist connected square on his cheek and stopped as if it had hit a brick wall.  Blood streamed from my crumpled hand.  Morg’lil looked at me like if it was a joke.  He seemed surprised by my weakness.  Then he pointed at the metal tray on the table.  I snatched it up and with white blood covered knuckles and bent it in half as I took it across the orcs face.  He slowly went to the ground and then winked at me as I was carried off by the guards.  Could nothing hurt that guy?

Now I sit in solitary with my mind replaying things over and over.  How did I screw everything up so bad?  I had everything going my way and now this is happening.  I should be dead.


  1. How long does Don Jamaica have to avoid the food and stay in the hole?! What happens if he beats the Titans?! Orcatraz is no place for an MML coach!

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