Order of the Holy Squirrel – A Tale of Happy Serenity

Order of the Holy Squirrel

A Tale of Happy Serenity


“By the Ladies sweet bosom , this be’uth a delightful turn of events.” thought Sir Andy Von Cook to himself. Season 11 had ended with Squirrels just out of reach of a Bowl game but due to some playoff mumbo jumbo and a great may teams finishing on the same points, the Squirrel’s were handed a gift from sweet Nuffle himself.  A match for the Happy Serenity Cup .

The cup was theirs and a great celebration had taken place in Parravon, home of the Holy Squirrels . Sir Andy just prayed to the Lady that the resulting frenzy of drinking and frolicking would not mirror the events of the Bloodwieser Bowl victory.

But pressing business had arose from the Circle of Happy Serenity and Sir Andy was summoned in earnest to the Chapel of Serenity , If anything at least Sir Andy wouldn’t get stinking drunk and marry a goblin this time.

The Carriage transporting Sir Andy had travelled many a mile through open country , past small towns and now the elaborate transport was ambling down cobbled streets towards its destination. The Chapel of Serenity rose up out of the evening gloom, great oaken doors the high of several men engraved with images of every vice and frivolity pulled from the darkest pits of the soul grabbed your attention the moment you would gaze upon the building.

Stepping out of the carriage Sir Andy was greeted by a host of beautiful maidens .

Prey come in good sir knight” beckoned the first . ” We are most honoured to have you as our guest , and would like to shower upon you our undying affection to the Circle of Happy Serenity’s new champion “

Before Sir Andy could form a response he was taken under arm and whisked into the building, the great doors slamming shut behind him .  Inside the heady aroma of incense slapped Sir Andy in the face , the heavy smell was clearly used to dull the senses of any whom entered the building.

Sir Andy was led through to the main hall , a high vaulted ceiling hung with grand tapestries and lanterns was warm and clammy . Large  groups of maidens clung to the walls and alcoves all turned to witness the arrival of their new guest. A lady dressed in pure white descended from her throne and made to greet the knight .

We welcome you brave sir knight. I am the high priestess Zoot . Welcome to the Circle of Happy Serenity ” spoke the maiden.

” We have invited you here to bathe you in your glory as our new champion and sign the contract to have the Circle of Happy Serenity be the Order of the Holy Squirrels sponsor “

” I am amiss to tell thee dear lady ” replied  Sir Andy ” The Holy Squirrels have signed a contract with Bloodwieser in an oath of Beer and Blood, and Dwarfs hold dear to oaths taken in all matters.”

Zoot shoots the Squirrels coach a coy look . ” Oh come now my knight, surely the oath made to a hairy smelly  dwarf cannot compare to what we have to offer”  intoned the priestess , turning her outstretched arm to indicate her maidens .

Sir Andy suddenly became rather nervous as Zoot approached him. “We could all play…. Monopoly ” she whispered  ”  Monopoly Monopoly ” called the maidens suddenly gathering around Sir Andy.

Yes …Yes  Monopoly ” said Zoot turning to encourage her entourage.

”  And after we all play Monopoly…….. RISK ! ” announced the Priestess.

RISK RISK RISK ” chanted the maidens now in a excited frenzy.

” Well I suppose I could stay and partake in a few games ” Smiled the knight . A new contract thrust in front of him , all eyes staring into his, willing him to make his mark upon it.

We’ll let you be thee banker ”  said Zoot, her voice like honeyed wine. Sir Andy grabbed a offered quill and signed his name in as fast as he could. A great cheer erupted from the assembled crowd .

Just as the Happy Serenity maidens went to lead Sir Andy to the Games room the chapel doors burst open in an explosion of splinters . Sir Sturmjarl coach of the Mousillon Morningstars charged into the breach and grabbed Sir Andy by the arm and pulled him clear of his beautiful hosts.

Quick you are in great peril ” bellowed Sir Sturmjarl .

No you can’t take him away ” cried Zoot .

Stay back foul temptress ! ” threatened Sturmjarl raising his sword causing the maidens to back away from the pair . And with that Sturmjarl drags the Squirrels coach towards the exit ”

” But maybe I could stay and face the peril ?” whined Sir Andy unable to free himself from Sturmjarls grip and stop his rescue .

NO it’s too perilous ” retorted the Morningstars coach carrying Sir Andy he leaped out into the street and away into the night .






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