Order of the Holy Squirrel – The Beer Grudge.

                                                        Order of the Holy Squirrel

                                                              The Beer Grudge

Dwarfs hold true to bonds and promises made by an Oath as highly as they honour their ancestors or forge a weapon in steel.  No Dwarf shall never take an Oath in vain and will hold true to it till their last breath.  If an Oath is ever broken, may the Gods have mercy on the Oath breakers soul . For they shall incur the wrath of the Dwarfs, their name entered into the great book of Grudges, with which none can escape the mark placed upon them, till their judgement day arrives .


Squatting behind a great slab of wrought Iron desk embellished with ancestral faces and runes of the finest craftsmanship , sat Tipsy McStagger , Chief Brewmaster and Lord of the Bloodweiser  brewing company. The low heavy ceiling of granite hewn from the worlds edge Mountains were  held up by great obelisk pillars that cast long deep shadows throughout the room ,which gave the space the feeling of being deep underground. Not one window was to be found just the dim light of a dozen rune stones  which cast shallow light in all but the dark corners. The Chief Brewmaster was an imposing Dwarf, where most Dwarfs would stand chest high to a man and be twice the width , Tipsy McStagger was bulkier still. Years of constant drinking and perfecting his brewing craft had given the Dwarf an Iron constitution with the bulk and strength of an Ogre.

A great pewter flagon the size of a small barrel was locked in the iron grip of a chubby ham hock sized hand , the other frantically scribbling away with a Griffon feather quill inside the aged pages of McStagger’s personal accounts.

The Chief Brewmaster was making account of the weeks  expenses  when there was the sound of a great commotion coming from the hallway on the other side of the Iron doors .  No sooner had McStagger raised an eyebrow, placed down his quill to await an unexpected guest  did the iron doors themselves spring open , and a dwarf wearing the uniform of a Bloodweiser employee  entered. A small piece of parchment held firmly in his hands, sweat dripping from his brow the Dwarf runner almost launched himself at his Lords great table .

Dus bettur be ‘mportant ta be bardgin un to ma office like dis ?” Came Tipsy’s deep gravel tone.

” It is Lord Brewmaster ” came the haggard breaths of the Dwarf runner.

” It’s the Holy Squirrels Lord Brewmaster, they have broken the sponsorship Oath you and Sir Andy Von Cook made and have signed a new  deal with Happy Serenity . The Squirrels are Oath breakers.”

McStagger’s heart felt as if it had been struck with a shard of ice that chilled the blood, freezing his veins.

YOO …..Whot ? ” came the fierce reply ” They’ve broken our……. OATH !!!!  “

Tipsy McStagger reached over his desk and grabbed the messenger with his meaty mitts .

” Assemble de team ! Wiv got ta Grudge ta settle ”


The rain fell from the heavens in a light patter cancelling out almost all noise save for the trudge of the heavy footfall of armoured feet  across the cobbled street as the Sir Cuban Pete’s coffin was born upon the shoulders of his brother players from the Church of the Lady to the exterior of the Squirrels stadium to be interred in a marble statue of himself on the Wall of Heroes where he could be forever venerated and revered .

Sir Andy Von Cook had led the sombre procession to the stadium with his head held low to hide his pain and anguish . Sir Cuban Pete  was one of the first knights to join the Holy Squirrels in their quest to conquer the MML all those seasons ago and Sir Pete was the last of the original team to fall to injury or death . But what a glorious death it was , on the field of battle against a mighty opponent. Alas it did not ease the pain of his loss.

The whole of Parravon had come to witness his burial and to mourn the great player, as the procession had reached the stadium walls Sir Andy turned to face the assemble crowd and his heart soared to witness the sea of people and tiny squirrels alike pay final tribute to Sir Pete .

Sir Andy cast his eyes all before him as his tiny red squirrel companion Mr Jingles nuzzled into his neck trying to comfort his master . ” Sir Cuban Pete was one of the greatest of us all” Began the Squirrels coach, his voice almost a shout as to be heard over the sound of the rain and the interspersed weeping throughout the people he spoke to. ” From the moment of the Holy Squirrels first match , Sir Cuban Pete was there . As a beacon of righteous fury and valour he won us many victories and Championships in his glorious career ” A great cheer went up from the crowd at mention of the Squirrels Cup victories, even the sky itself approved with a clap of thunder ” Never has a player given so much before” continued the Coach, the thunder was getting louder . ” And never again will a player ….. ” the thunder was now tearing through the sky.   ” Will a player……” stammered Sir Andy.

“That’s not thunder” he told himself.

No sooner had he spoken the words that the clouds above the crowd parted and then came the sound of a thousand buzzing hornets, a Dwarf Gyrocopter descended from the sky  heading straight for the head of the funeral procedures.

My lord the dwarf vehicle bares the markings of the Bloodweiser company upon it ” came the call from the huge crowd .

Suddenly recalling he a signed a new contract with Happy Serenity Sir Andy knew what was to befall himself and the Holy Squirrels . The dwarf Gyrocopter passed over his head then banked round to drop slowly to the ground, the blades on top of the machine only slightly slowing in their frantic spinning as the pilot hopped out of the cockpit , one hand gripped tightly on his leather flying cap the dwarf strode with purpose towards the Squirrels coach, a large scroll in the other hand.

Sir Andy Von Cook ? ” asked the dwarf as he approached.

” Aye I est Sir Cook ” replied Sir Andy , a dangerous tone in his voice  ” Thou have interfered with a Holy burial master dwarf. Thou best have thy good reason ”

The dwarf pilot held out the scroll and broke the seal upon it, unfurling the parchment the dwarf read it aloud for all to hear.

” Sir Andy Von Cook , You have broken an Oath sworn in beer and blood to the Bloodweiser Company and it’s lord Tipsy McStagger. You have been declared an Oath Breaker and a Grudge has been marked against you and your team the Order of the Holy Squirrel”  gasps of shock and the murmur of a hundred whispered questions came from the people of Parravon .

” If the Squirrels have any honour left they shall settle this Grudge on the BloodBowl pitch against the Bloodweiser Brewing Company come seasons end . Or be forever shamed as filthy Oath breakers .” finished the dwarf .

All eyes were upon Sir Andy and what his decision was to be.  Sir Andy snatched the scroll from the hands of the dwarf  ” Thou shall have thy match” came the answer , his voice cold and sharp.  ” Remove thou fat Arse from thy lands and tell thou master thee Squirrels shall fight for their honour ”  And with that the crowd burst into a great cheer .



Now my dear reader it is your chance to get involved with the conclusion to this tale of Grudges and Beer.  The Bloodweiser Brewing Company need a coach to lead them to Victory against the Order of the Holy Squirrel in a ” friendly” match to be taken place after the end of the regular MML Pro Season 12 on the week commencing the 2nd April 2018.


Any coach who wishes to lead the Dwarfs must make a Custom dwarf team with the following stipulations .

  • Must be a Custom Dwarf team
  • Can be built however the coach sees fit with players ,stats and skills with no TV cap (though the Squirrels will be around 1800 tv come this match)
  • MUST include a Dwarf Blitzer to represent the dwarf brewmaster Tipsy McStagger with the skills: str 5, mighty blow, multi block, grab and leader.
  • The team must have a Bloodweiser themed name
  • The match will take place at the Bloodweiser stadium so must be a level 4 stadium with a beer stand as is only proper for a Dwarf team and have a fan factor of 9.


Any coach who wishes to play this match and make a Dwarf team must contact Andy Cuk on the MML Discord by the Sunday 25th March with their completed team.

Then Andy Cuk will post up the dwarf teams on the MML website and a vote shall take place where the members of the MML shall choose the  Dwarf team that will play the Holy Squirrels in this epic Grudge match .

Good luck to you my fellows . Let this Grudge be settled with Death and Blood !!!

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