This post is part of the series The Rose Ceremony
Other posts in this series:
- Plot Twist at the Palace (Current)
- Smell the Roses
ONCE UPON A TIME there were seven of the land’s finest zombies, dressed in their prettiest dresses, gathered at the Cloud Nine palace, trembling with excitement at the decision coming from their Prince Charming. “This is ridiculous,” muttered Prime Time to Roxanne.
As a former beastman for the Magrita Misfits, Prime was not the most articulate being in the world, even before becoming a zombie. Now his whisper sounded like the last dying breath of a guy who had been stabbed in the throat…but his teammates generally understood the gist of what he was trying to say.
“This isn’t a palace,” Prime continued. “Coach just dressed the locker room up with lavender-scented candles and velvet drapes…and why is he making me wear a dress?…I mean, you look pretty in yours, but….”
Just then, trumpets sounded. It was a familiar royal tune, usually used to signal the entrance of a prince, but this version was obtrusive. Rocky “Da Brik” Danger flashed an annoyed look in the direction of the sound. Lepto Spirosis II covered his ears. Jealous Again pulled the mouthpiece away from his lips and declared, “Man, f’orc you guys…I play the electric guitar, not this overgrown kazoo.”
Just then, Coach Serious Jest entered. He looked around with a winning smile, as if endearing himself to the cameras and the viewers at home…even though there were no cameras anywhere in the locker room or any viewers at home. Now, furrowing his brow to indicate a moment of seriousness, sincerity, and sympathy, he turned to the seven zombies. “Zombies, thank you for gathering here at the Palace. As you already know, due to team value concerns and a crowded roster heading into the playoffs, we are going to have to let one of you go.”
“What!?” Wyre the Lethal ‘s faint attempt at a whisper was overcome by his surprise. The excited squeaks of a former Repulsive Ratlings skaven-thrower-turned-zombie sounded like someone hawking a loogie from the roof of his mouth. “Nobody told-spoke this to Wyre! Why is Wyre always the last to know important news-information?!” Chasse took a step away from Wyre, whose failed whisper had been generally shot in his direction.
Coach Jest sarcastically cleared his throat and rolled his eyes before continuing, “Well, even if you didn’t know, you’re not alone in the dark…because there’s been a plot twist.” Jelly’s trumpet spat out something that sounded like it was supposed to be suspenseful, but was instead pathetic. His not-so-stifled curses followed from the back of the locker room—err, Palace. “We have just been informed by the league office,” Coach Jest continued, dramatically waiving a parchment above his head, “that there was an error in scheduling, and we are not to play Madonatron V Shaniqua Bot in the first round of the playoffs, after all.”
“Now, is that one team, or were we supposed to play against the winner of two teams who were already playing, or were we doing a three-way battle royale thing?” Salute wasn’t even trying to whisper now, and The Real Little Marc1 was nodding as vigorously as a zombie could nod in agreement.
“No questions!” erupted Coach Jest. “The next muthaf’orca that talks out of turn is getting cut and then cut, please believe that.” The palace went dead silent.
Coach Jest regained his composure and flashed a winning smile at the camera (that still wasn’t there). “As I was saying, we will not be playing Madonatron or Shaniqua Bot. Instead, we will be playing Golden Discipline. I see some of you shrugging your shoulders, as if it doesn’t matter who they put in front of us, and I appreciate that…but upon further analysis of our new foe and its lower team value…we now need to fire two zombies.” This time the pathetic trumpet tune sounded on purpose. Coach Jest shot Jelly a sharp look just in time to catch the last of his smirk quickly disappearing from behind the trumpet. Coach Jest shook his head, turned back to the camera (nope, still not there) with a stoic look, and announced, “Now, without further ado, let’s begin the Rose Ceremony.”
Continue reading this series:
Smell the Roses