Welcome to the majestically opulent atmosphere of the Mattaki Mitsuji Complex where I’m Marvin Kettleworth filling all of the voraciously loyal St. Mahlbuerne Pioneers hooligans in on what was the bone-bruising brutality of their first campaign in the MML. Despite the 0-3-4 record compiled behind the captaincy of Walter “Wurlitzer” Czechkowski, the bottlers of Augustin Schmickells No Mercy beer will return in a sponsorship deal even though Laurenz Winterstahl of the Dwarven team, Schoffenheim Smiths, is protesting for them to have exclusive rights to the name in connection to their team (When a reporter reached out to Anderson Halifax of the Pioneers, he was said to have answered “They’re not even registered in a professional league as we speak, so why in flaming Hell would they need a sponsor. Drunk lil’ bastards just want another reason to sink brews as far as I’m concerned which isn’t much !!!).
Moving onwards into the highlights of the campaign which didn’t reap a rewarding record, but did show promise with a cavalcade of players starting off with LM Orlando Fairholm who’s booming kicks anchored numerous opposing drives near their own endzones was a key component in defensive schemes, but with the guaranteed inclusion of the Wood Elves of Redwood, carnival cretins of Kislev and an extremely vintage collection of Khemri, results will vary in exactly how effective the “Prince Of Punt” will be in the second season.
The remainder of the linemen a.k.a. “Grunts” are still in the process of mastering their blocking techniques, but one by the name of Anderson Halifax looks to contribute more by learning how to painfully pulverize “ponytailed pansies, silly acrobatic a******s and mummified morons” with time. The potential shining star likely to rise in the ranks is Jacques Hawksleigh who is studying his playbook underneath intense scrutiny with intentions of cementing his position. The others are Morgan Glencoe and Cecil Elmhurst who have a total of three games under their battle-worn belts between them.
The Blitzers Brigade famed for the notoriety of “Wurlitzer” Czechkowski’s hatefulness towards Orcs, the merciless pursuit of Sinclair Bridgeford, nimble-footed Vincent Yorkshire and the latest addition in Harvey Parkhill which was made in order to make sure that four Blitzers was available for the season finale (Solomon Smythe suffered a groin strain, but has been cleared by the Pioneers medical staff to be an option in the future as well as LM Samuel Goodwin who is nursing a gouged eye, but with only seven games to a season in the MML, it’ll take something as catastrophic as a visit from the Grim Reaper before they’ll pull on the St, Mahlbuerne colours soon).
Now with the tandem of “Wurlitzer” Czechkowski and Vincent Yorkshire (Both Blitzers have AG 4) and the capable hands of CA Israel Charlton at their disposal, it’s time to shine the limelight on the “Chief Chuckers” who are Rueben Lantana and Alexander Gembrook. “R.L.” is the keys in the ignition of an “O” drive and will only get more lethal with Vincent Yorkshire’s AG + and might actually lose a target depending on if the Pioneers keep or kick CA Hamilton Newbury in the off-season. Alexander Gembrook is patiently awaiting his turn on the Astrogranite and appears to be plugged into a second string position given the importance of Rueben Lantana, but when called upon he performs fills in admirably enough.
Now the speedily swift Israel Charlton and Hamilton Newbury are an unknown commodity in a squad that’s relied on rushing touchdowns traditionally, however with issues of treasury it looks like that Hamilton Newbury might just get ushered out after the beginning of the next season and replaced by another LM which might mean the return of none other than Samuel Goodwin.
The hulking behemoth known as “Pee Wee” M’Grashackle rounds out the Pioneers platoon and brings excellent assisting in blocking schemes and appears primed to take the next step into becoming another echelon of threat deserving of double-team blocks to minimize his efficiency.
Well until the next season kicks off behind the foot of Orlando Fairholm, I’m Marvin Kettleworth signing off…