The Family Crumbles

This time was going to be different.  This time the demons were going to be exorcised and the 600lb pound gorilla tossed off the shoulders of their coach.  Excitement swirled after their first round destruction of the Cheering Fangs in the quarterfinals as they beat them from pillar to post and the captain of the team, Scatman Crothers, inflicted 4 casualties including a death just by himself.   It put the entire league on notice and sent social media into a frenzy as The Torrance Family looked like a tremendous machine ready to roll through the rest of the playoffs.   This would be the year that the awful stench of failure from two seasons ago when they snatched defeat from the jaws of victory in the semi finals in one of the most improbable endings to a blood bowl match anyone can remember.  If they had been beaten that would have been one thing but they lost that game which made it the bitterest pill to swallow.   

 

The hangover from that loss carried right into last season when this team seemed to sleepwalk through the regular season and missed the playoffs for the first time ever by a JimmyMac coached team (Blitz and Pro combined).  However, the dedication in the offseason was eye opening.  A new death and conditioning coach, Ghoul Ferigno, was brought in to completely revamp their off-season workouts and the results were staggering.  The team persevered through a brutal schedule with little to no wear and tear on their bones or fangs and secured a wild card playoff spot.  

 

They were a trendy dark horse pick to make noise in the playoffs and make the finals and as stated earlier their dominant performance in the first round of the playoffs only solidified those expectations.   It was a beautiful day when their semi final kicked off as the late game of a doubleheader that day and guests of the hotel had made the trek to the game in droves.   There were alot of familiar and old faces (and I mean OLD faces) in the stands literally screaming their lungs out for the Torrance Family.   It was going to be a brutally difficult game against the Doompeak Bulls, no one doubted that as they were led by 5 time Pro champion coach Gerdleah so there was no room for error.   However, this was the same team the FAmily had defeated 2 seasons ago to reach that semi final game and they felt they were far more seasoned and experienced this time around so as long as nothing extraordinary happened confidence remained high.  

 

Then it happened.  Its hard to pick words to accurately describe it.  It was like watching a bus full of nuns drive off a cliff and land on camp for the Make A Wish foundation while at the same time a plane headed for Disney World plummeted and crashed on top of it all.   The horror was indescribable but you couldn’t look away.   I’ve never heard a more deafening silence in a blood bowl stadium then immediately after it happened.  The shock of it left both teams, the fans, and announcers speechless.  

 

The Family had received the kickoff and after a ball handling error on turn 1 they had managed to secure the ball and were ready to advance it out of their own end down the wide open left hand side of the pitch where it would have been a rather easy stroll to the endzone in subsequent turns.   All that was in their way to remove was a rookie hobgoblin.   Scatman Crothers, being the captain, took it upon himself to clear the path and most likely send the hobgoblin either to the hospital or the cemetery.  Everyone in the stadium knew it, including the hobo, as he saw his fate charging at him in full speed blitz rage.   The following has become known in lore around The Overlook Hotel simply as “The Play”.  They collided and the shocking result was that Scatman failed on both dice, the dreaded 1 in 36, which was unfortunate but with a reroll at the ready coach Jimmymac quickly signaled to the ref for a reroll so the scenario played out again and again the hobo was ready to meet his doom when Scatman failed on both dice once again.   A 1 in 36 followed by a 1 in 36 which if you’re keeping track is an even that will happen 1 out of 1,296 times.   Not only did both sets of blocks fail but when Scatman hit the ground he was knocked unconscious and removed from the field.  

 

After seeing their captain be broken in the cruelest twist of fate possible, the rest of the game was played in a blur and resulted in a comedy of errors.   Nothing worked and even when slight glimmers of hope were given they were snatched away in the worst possible ways.  Where the team goes from here is really anyone’s guess.   Two seasons ago there was anger and fury in the locker room after their semi final disaster but this year it was eerily quiet.   Not a word was spoken.   This again calls into question the ability of this coach to win the “big one” as this loss runs his record in semi final games to 0-4 and the trolls on Twerper were roasting him unmercifully.  My sources are telling me his job is secure for now but the rumblings inside the Overlook are growing louder and louder with each postseason failure.   

 

Can this team rebound from another bone rattling post season loss?   How they react in their first game this coming season will give us all the answers we need.   

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