The Magic Word

Coach StuffnJunk sat musing in his office as he often did before a game. His thoughts wandered around the last few games. The whole season was a welcome change of pace. Goblin Gambling appeared to have cut its losses and was leaving the Ratlings alone and they were on a winning streak unlike any they had experienced before. The sound of the door slamming open brought Stuff back to reality.

The Ratlings, led by Seek and Destroy, burst through the door of the Coach’s office without knocking. It seemed some habits would never change. Seek began to speak:

“Team-Clan want say-speak something to Coach. There no word-speak in Queekish to say what man-things call Thanks. So we say-speak we not want-wish to kill man-thing Coach for being weak-coward anymore. We follow-listen to Coach-Leader because he is stronger. One day we murder-kill you to take your position-place! But not now-today. Today we fight-kill dead-live things for the glory of Team-Clan!”

The room erupted with the sounds of chitters and squeaks and shouts. The team, including its coach, moved as one into their dugout on the field.

The Rat’s Nest was filled past capacity with fans for both the Ratlings and the Hopeless Necromantics. Playoffs were on the line for both teams. The winner would continue, the loser would be sent off to a bowl game.

Few sounds can inspire quite like the roar of a packed stadium. Its a living sound, one that evolves as each individual voice is added, assimilated, and consumed by the cacophony that becomes a beautiful harmony for a Blood Bowl disciple. Coach StuffnJunk let the waves of sound wash over him: the energy of the crowd seemed to feed his very Essence with hope. He could see the same effect on the Team. Scalpke Beastmaster was Leaping in huge somersaults to pump the crowd even further. Both of Slinij’s heads seemed to be smiling. Even Seek was doing a little dance on the shoulders of Destroy. Everything was right with the world and each member of the Team-Clan, including its coach, felt peace.

Then the game started.

The Ratling line crumbled under the force of the Zombie blocks. This was expected. Something About Mary and Deadpool made their way towards Seek and Destroy, who appeared ready to rip them to shreds. All of that focus must have made him miss the murderous charge of Shawn Michaels. The werewolf’s claws dug deep into the body of Destroy; the roar of pain was loud enough to silence the crowd as Coach StuffnJunk bolted onto the field.

Seek had been impaled by the Warpstone shard sticking out from the shoulder of Destroy. Destroy was not moving and blood drenched the field turning the grass a sickly black color. Seek lifted his head to speak and beckoned Coach Stuff closer:

“Save the apothecary-doctor. Destroy is dead-dead and I will join-meet him soon.” He lifted his head and looked directly into the eyes of StuffnJunk. “And Coach… Thanks.”

His lifeless body went limp as they were dragged off the field. The Ratlings screeched in rage. Coach Stuff felt numb. But the game must continue.

The rest of the game was a blur of blood and fur as the Ratlings were dismantled. Neelutch the journeyman was the next to receive a wound and was taken out of the game.

When The Princess Bride hit Patchcut there was a sickening snap and gurgle. Coach Stuff refused to lose another friend on the field today and the apothecary was brought in. Patchcut woke enraged and begged to be put on the field so he could hit fight the wolves. Coach Stuff would not give clearance until the next drive.

Skrycut’s strength failed under the assault of Shawn Michaels’ claws.

Something About Mary’s fists brought the Corrupter to his knees.

Knetyj fell to the claws of Shawn Michaels.

The Necromantics were easily able to score despite the best efforts of Scalpke Beastmaster and his rage fueled cage-leaping attacks.

Five members of the Ratlings were dead or injured before the halftime whistle blew.

Lhiim The Quick proved true to his name and managed to speed through the Necromantic lines to score an equalizer.

The enraged Gutter Runners tried their best, but they were unable to stop the Necromantic offense.


The Repulsive Ratlings will return in S7, stronger than ever! #OneClan



  1. Nice article Stuff, sir. Really feeling for the Ratlings and absolutely loving the skaven speech. Just like I imagine it. Sorry the Ratlings took such a pounding and good luck in your bowl game! 🙂

  2. Your team fought hard and earned the respect of the Romantics. Seek and Destroy died the death of true warriors. We know your team will come back next season stronger and motivated for vengeance, and we are looking forward to showing our respect by giving you a glorious battle.

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