The Seers Tackle Some Wood Elf Training

This post is part of the series Slaan Seers Stories

Other posts in this series:

  1. Slaan Seers Emerge
  2. The Seers are made of Astrogranite
  3. The Lustrian Chronicle Interview: Josiah Frost

In the  middle of the Slaan Seers ground, the All Seeing Eye, stood three enormous christmas trees, bedecked in their full regalia. Below them, looking a little confused stood some members of the MML farm team ‘The Host.’ Gabriel, the wardancer, looked the most assured of the assembled wood elves. Also gathered were Zadkiel The Host’s star catcher, Uriel a rather agile wood elf lineman and Samael; The Host’s thrower.

Facing the christmas trees and wood elves were the members of the Slaan Seers. They were being addressed in the usual manner in which their coach, Josiah Frost, liked to speak to them; by the image of an eye in a cabalvision crystal clear crystal ball and his voice emanating from within it.

“So, my Seers,” The Frost voice from the orb spoke, “The first match of the season wasn’t too bad. It could have been better, but it certainly could have been worse. How could it have been better?” The Overseer MK II cheeped and chirupped and gesticulated in response, clearly being nominated as the spokeslizard for the Seers.

“That’s right, Overseer MK II,” continued Frost. “We could have won! We could have drawn! – But we didn’t! – We lost! I don’t care if their saurus was bigger than our saurus. That is no excuse! Doneagle may have given us a back-handed compliment by telling us we could be contenders if only the skinks stay alive. How does that make you feel Eye of the Tiger, to know your future relies on the skinks, amazing as they are? Let me also ask you, How many games did we lose last season?” Eye of the Tiger raised up one scaly finger in response. “That’s right,” said Frost. “We lost one game all season! Who did we lose it to? – Oh don’t answer, I don’t want to listen to gutteral whining or stupid skink chittering! We lost it to the White Owlz! Now, not only do we still have to play them this season, but we have to play two other wood elf teams! I am really starting toget frustrated by the White Owlz, and wood elves in general, no offence to our guests, of course.” The Frost eye blinked and glanced at the members of The Host, before continuing, “When I was standing in the White Owlz sideline boxes during the MML Final, they nearly tried to kill me with Eye Pets! This, Seers, is personal! That is why today, at great expense, I have brought some wood elves here to assist with practice. I couldn’t afford to hire a treeman due to a slight financial irregularity in the last game, so I thought these Christmas trees would suffice. They are very similar to a treeman, about as agile, maybe not as strong, but certainly as intelligent and fast. Very soon there will be an abundance of these things around the place, so I got them nice and cheap.”

The Seers looked a little confused at the christmas trees and then glowered at the wood elves.

“Perfect,” Said Frost. “That seems to be the spirit. “So Kroxlantha, I want you Iztssa and Eye of the Tiger taking on the ‘treemen.'” The Seers kroxigor and two saurus dutifully moved into position within blitzing range of the trees.

“B.A Baracus, in fact all you skinks, I want you hunting down the wardancer, well maybe not you Overseer MK II, you can stay here and oversee with me. But, no, the rest of you skinks, on the wardancer. The rest of you saurus; just hit the other elves, will you? We will see where we go from there! Overseer MK II toss a ball at the skinks and the wardancer will you?”

A rather useless skink throw ensued and then chaos erupted in the stadium. Iztssa and Eye of the Tiger ran at the christmas trees, both hitting their marks but falling back to the ground, stunned. “Just like real treemen,” Frost was heard to mutter. Kroxlantha just stood looking at the christmas tree, the cogs clearly not firing on all cylinders in his brain. The skinks leapt at the wardancer like a pack of rabid dogs who hadn’t eaten in days, causing the wardancer more than a few issues, but no actual damage.

Meanwhile the remaining saurus were made to look a little stupid as the other wood elves deftly danced around them, outmaneuvering and outpacing them. Zadkiel, The Hosts catcher, even managed to fend off Tlaxpita’s blocking efforts, before dancing merrily into the Seers endzone.

At this point Uldaxl, the Seers most gifted of skinks, had finally managed to wrest the ball from the skink-wardancer scrum and had lithely leapt into the boughs of one of the christmas trees. Unfortunately for him however, it was at this moment that Kroxlantha had seemed to manage to regain his composure and went crashing into the trunk of the same tree, tangling himself up in fairy lights as he did so, but also bringing the tree slamming down; crushing Uldaxl in the process.

The ball skittered away from Uldaxl and the tree just in time for The Hosts thrower, Samael, to pick it up and throw it to his teammate, Zadkiel, in the Seers endzone.

“Just f’orcing perfect,” bellowed Frost. “F’orcing perfect!” Various of the Slaan Seers seemed to veritably preen themselves at what they believed to be words of praise from their coach. The eye glared at the devastation on the pitch. “And to think coaches Thunden, More Shots and Hezekiah actually believe you useless shower could actually make the play offs.” The eye blinked once more before adding, “Perhaps I should get a consultant in. I am the president of the Gaesmael fan club after all. Perhaps he would be available for a consult? Dark elves, wood elves, high elves. All the same stuff, right? To beat an elf, perhaps I should consult with an elf coach, or his assistant anyway. I am not quite sure what to make of his last visit to our stadium, but hey, it can’t be worse than this, can it? Let me think on this. Out! Out! All of you!”

The wardancer from The Host did stop by the orb on his way out of the ground and was heard to ask, “We are still getting paid for this right?” A deep sigh from the orb was the only reply he got.

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