The Squig ate the original draft ;)


She was tired, so tired, so fat and so tired, tired, tired, tired…and fat, so, so fat. But she had to be fat because a thinner person wouldn’t have had the stature to contain her rage, the metabolism to cope with all the loathing she felt for the league and everyone in it. She had tried “good” goblins with mixed success, she had tried “poor” goblins with just about the same result new goblins? old goblins? what was a girl to do?

Preachmelda was fuming, and not just in the body odour sense as she reread the scroll ” you are cordially invited to bid for a position in the upcoming league” was this just a game to them? (well obviously it was, being an actual game and all that) did they not realise whom they were addressing, she was Pinky & the brain,  The sorceress ( played by that hot actress, you know, the one from carnival row) Every MCU villain and every DC bad guy (except maybe the joker…Oh, and DeVitto’s penguin of course) or to be more precise she had a body mass index equal to them all, that must count for something in the high stakes environment of world domination surely??  She didn’t want to play a game she wanted to destroy the game, the players, the coaches, those giant foam hands that were great originally but now you are embarrassed to admit you own, she would of course spare the Mcmurtys stand and the Drow egberts coffee shop but apart from that everything must go, fire sale style (like that crappy Die hard 4.0 far fetched storyline no one bought into)

How to accomplish her task though’ Humans?  to bland. Necro? so last season. Bretts? so AndyCUK. Ogres? possible, but as she had eaten the last 3 she had met probably not, dwarves to short, Elves? to long. Khemri? to bony, Kislev? not bony enough. Flings? no, she needed them to keep the food coming. Orcs? nope, they complained about her smell….Chaos? Hmmm, no skill required, every player Block-MB-Claw-PO…. more boring than that machine used to dig the Chunnel (US readers may wish to google this )

so, what’s left? Underworld, does it have trolls? YES! does it have Goblins? YES! Does it have players you could actually get attached too? YES!

OK, so its Underworld…. but wait, does it have cheap bribes (leaving more cash for food) NOPE!

Does it have rostered secret weapons (so you can have MORE secret weapons) NOPE

Does it allow you to feed the grinder of the game with more fresh bodies without a (pixel hugging) care NOPE.

Deep within her castle she brooded, face getting redder & redder like an overripe watermelon or that peach from the Dahl Story, yeah, more like that, like the deathstar preparing to fire, and fire it would, fire goblins into the mix, no one cared, not her, not the league, not the national council for diabetes prevention, she sat on several chairs and started to submit a response…..

(**Please note, Diabetes is a serious condition if you or someone you know is affected by this or any other medical ailment please see the appropriate advice from you local apothecary, but never from a Bloodbowl Apo!!**)   

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