Serious Jest: Listen up, everyone, I plan to keep this short, as we’ve got the Wicked Forest Conference Championship to prepare for. Some of you may have already noticed a new body hanging around the stadium…using the strength and conditioning facilities…practicing with us…. Well, as you know, last week was a real physical test. We have a couple of guys with injuries, and they will be sitting this game out. To clarify the rumors, Killmono Dragon has a fractured skull. It is a condition that will affect him until the end of his playing days. How long that will be is up to him. Blood Bowl Sauri are subjected to a considerable amount of punishment, and a diminished ability to take such punishment could have much worse consequences down the line for him. Killmono will have to weigh his options in the off-season and decide what’s best for him. In the meantime, though, Killmono plans to come back after this game and at least finish out the playoffs.
*Various Reporters Erupt into Simultaneous Questions*
SJ: Now hold on, hold on. As you may also know, Torpedoraptor also suffered an injury, and he will be sitting out the WFC Championship match, as well. Unfortunately, Torpedo’s injury is even more serious than Killmono’s. Torpedo has a smashed collar bone, to be exact. Our team apothecaries believe that this injury may affect his strength. If this is true, we may have to take a hard look as to whether Torpedo should keep playing this season. Whatever the outcome of either of these situations, both of these young lizardmen have played their hearts out for TMNL and for the proud citizens of Isla Nublar, and they deserve your utmost respect, just as they have ours, along with our undying gratitude. In the meantime, TMNL has a roster shortage for the WFC Championship match, which brings me back to the mystery lizardman you have seen been seeing around Jurassic Park. Rather than filling our roster gap with a merc, we decided it was time to permanently add another member to the TMNL family. This young skink has shown every ounce of aptitude and dedication that his teammates could desire, and we all believe he’ll make a fine addition to the team. As you know, our new tradition is that new players will take on the name of an artist, in any kind of art, known by one name. In honor of Concedegate and its attendant references to the Trojan Horse, our new player has taken the name of Homer, a true artist in the literary field.
Reporter 1: Homer, what special skills do you have?
SJ: You will see what he can do soon enough.
Reporter 2: Coach Jest, since you brought up Concedegate, can we expect a Concedegate 2 since you have the playoffs locked up?
SJ: Absolutely not. Concedegate was a ruse. It’s over and done with. We are playing this one full throttle. For pride. And we want our opponent to know it’s coming. We want to set a precedent for our new conferencemate as to how it’s gonna go down in the Wicked Forest…and we definitely don’t want to end the regular season with a .500 record. Complacency kills, ladies and gentlemen, and so does TMNL, if you don’t watch out. Now, if you’ll excuse us, we’ve got some work to do.