Waking up with a Chainsaw

Waking up with a Chainsaw

By Alan Mittag


It felt like something in my brain was trying to bore its way out.  I opened my eyes, but the light burned and I had to shut them, recoiling away from it….

I bumped into something.  Someone.  Someone was passed out next to me.  A woman?  She smelled of flowers and a night of partying.  Where was I?  I wasn’t strapped to a chair.  I wasn’t in my room.

After a lot of effort I managed to get my eyes open.

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She was wearing a blood smeared wedding dress and a veil!  What happened last night?

The clothes I was wearing were soaked in blood.  Thick, sticky, drying blood.  “What the Hell happened?”

We were in a pile of trash in an alley, and there was another six goblins also passed out among the trash, also soaked in blood.  A few bloody chainsaws laid on the ground, hinting at the night’s story.  The chainsaw nearest me, oozing red and thick, had a chain connected to it.  A long heavy chain, thick, and about six feet long.

I gently nudged the wedding dress goblin.  She moaned and rolled over, but didn’t wake.  So I stood up.  My body was sore like I had spent the whole day working out.  Every muscle reacted.  Arms, legs.  Even my neck and back.

I glanced back at the sleeping goblins, they were all out cold.  I snuck down the alley towards the main street, grimacing with every step.

The town crier was calling out the morning news, “Six dead and five wounded from last night’s massacre.  Officials are still searching for the pack of goblins and their human leader.  Any information leading to their capture will result in a reward of 100 gold pieces.”

I stifled my scream with my own hand.  Was it possible?  Could I have done that?

I backed away down the alley to where I left the sleeping goblins.

There was another goblin there now, clean clothes, with a little black bowtie over his brown suit.  He was leaning against the wall as he smoke a cigarette.  “That was some party, Looney Alan.  Some party indeed.”  He motioned down at the chainsaw with the chain attached.  “I’ve never seen a looney fanatic before.  The boys are going to worship you!”

A looney fanatic?  I looked down at the chainsaw and chain, then over to the sleeping goblin bride.  “This can’t be happening.”

“Here, put this on.” The goblin said as he tossed me a clean shirt, my size and everything.  “We’ll sneak you back to the stadium.  I’ve got everything planned.”  He flicked away his cigarette and stepped right up to me, lifting his hand to shake.  “I’m Gutbrig, you can count on me.”



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