Hello again, everyone! This Harry Gobbo with Orc Sports Programming Network, bringing you the latest news on the MML’s defending champions, Wrecking Kru! If you are wondering why you haven’t heard from us in awhile, we can tell you it’s all due to Coach Caven requesting total media blackout since the team lost a disheartening 2-0 game to rival Bill Cowher Power Hour in week 2. However, with the incredible performance by the team since then, we have been granted this season finale interview with the Coach!
Coach, what was your reasoning for total media silence since the Power Hour loss?
“Well, Harry, we played terribly that game. We deserved to lose by a bigger margin, in truth. Power Hour came out ready to play, we were still celebrating our championship. We opened with a draw to a new lizardman team, lost to Power Hour and then drew with Skuttle Butts, and found ourselves in a terrible hole. I decided that the team, and OSPN, needed complete focus for the last four games. Luckily for us, it got us back on track.”
You needed to defeat an undefeated Seathiel Treehawk team in your finale to get in the playoffs. How did you do it?
“First, let me say that the Treehawks are an amazing team! They have speed, agility, speed, talent and speed. Luckily, we have strength, a little speed and we know how to tackle. When we do tackle, we can bring the pain. Tonight, that was our only hope of winning. We needed to reduce their numbers and hope for a little luck. We also hired Varag Ghoul-Chewer to help us out, along with that Halflings chef to reduce their second chances. Varag paid dividends right off the bat by injuring a line elf. The chef helped the first half, but then left at halftime! The Treehawks scored quickly in the first half, and almost had a commanding 2-0 lead, but old Takru foiled a dodge by their catcher, and Varag gained control of the ball, handed it to Rotnail, who managed to score, which changed the game, in my opinion.”
The Kru needed Power Hour to lose two of their last three in order to win the Iron League. It happened. Can you comment?
“We received some divine help in our last two games. Miraculous, really. I know Coach More_Shots has had some, er, personal issues, which many will say was due to some unscrupulous acts by the Wrecking Kru, but we deny any involvement with his “condition”. The Power Hour meltdown definitely gave us the opening we needed. Their loss to Seathiel wasn’t a surprise, but the loss to Norse Leap Til Brooklyn was a shock. We figured our last game would have no meaning, but the Norse gifted us a chance. It could well have been that hope that was the difference between us and Seathiel tonight!”
Now what, Coach?
“We will wait and see who we play in the first round, then prepare. Fortunately, we will be completely healthy and ready for anyone.”
What can you attribute to the team’s run of four straight victories?
“It’s no secret that the termination of Stonepuke’s contract was the deciding factor in our recent success. Many people will ask how I know. I will tell you. Stonepuke was killed on the field, and the entire team cheered! As his body was taken to the injury bin, the fat hit regenerated. The collective sigh from our team, and fans, told me that the Troll had to go. Firing that worthless lump should give me coach of the year honors!”
Well, fans, there you have it! Straight from Iron League champion Coach Caven’s mouth! We hope you tune in next week for a special playoff edition of OSPN’s coverage of Wrecking Kru! That’s all for this week, I’m Harry Gobbo signing off. And remember, if it’s fit to print, you won’t find it here!