Hello, everyone, this is Harry Gobbo from Orc Sports Programming Network, live from ‘Ome Turf, home stadium for the Wrecking Kru! We have just witnessed the Kru win their second straight overtime game against yet another Lizardman team, this time Reptile Dysfunction. As in their previous matchup with TMNL, the Kru forged a tie late in the second half, then hung on to force overtime, where they won the kick and marched down the field for the winning score! This win propels them into the Final against a tough Skaven team, the Skuttle Butts! With us now, is Coach Caven of the Kru.
Coach, how did this win come about, exactly? Other than scoring more points than your opponent, of course!
“Well, Harry, as you know, before the match, we had to make a very tough decision concerning our best player. Thrower Graost was our franchise leader in rushing yards, passing yards and touchdowns scored. Unfortunately, he was also a target for opponents. He never quite recovered from that gang foul by the Power Hour, and he had lost a step. We offered to trade him, in order to reduce our salary cap and therefore hamper the efforts of Reptile Dysfunction to hire their wizard, again, but Graost wanted to finish his career as a member of Wrecking Kru. So, we allowed him to retire with full benefits. As for the game, we weren’t sure how the team would take this move. We were essentially handing the reins to rookie Thrower Rotnail, who played in his sixth game for us today. He’s a quick study, and should be good for seasons to come for us. We also were missing our star blitzer, Takru, who suffered an injury against TMNL that forced him to miss this game. Coupled with rookie Troll Stonepuke, we were really down on manpower going into a rematch with a team that spanked us 3-0 in last year’s Bowl Game. But, the lads performed well. Blitzer Graoth was able to get the equalizer in the 13th turn, and then Blitzer Gutrad saved the day with a dodge and debilitating tackle on their skink as time was running out, and even managed to gain possession of the ball, ensuring overtime. Our luck continued when we won the overtime coin toss, and took the kick. With RD without a reroll, we felt confident that we could force an error. Sure enough, one of their Saurus failed a block against Braduk, and that opened up the left side of the pitch, where Rotnail handed off to blitzer Morgoth, who bobbled the ball, then sprinted in for the winner. We managed to injure three skinks and a saurus, which is always good for us! It was a very tough match, and honestly, we are thrilled to be facing a team in the Finals that is NOT a Lizardman team!”
Coach, how difficult is it being a Human, coaching an Orc Team?
“Oh, it’s not that difficult, really. Most Orcs would kill and eat their human coach, but the Wrecking Kru is different. These Orcs are actually cultured, intelligent and halfway civilized. I mean, sometimes I have to bribe them to foul an opponent! In fact, Graoth has been studying with elves, and as a result, has become faster than a normal Orc blitzer! Likewise, Gutrad has become more agile and stronger by studying the elvish and dwarven techniques. Stonepuke, now, is a different story. He is a rookie, and extremely slow. He is close to learning how to block, after four games with the team, so he has some upside. We were able to pick him up cheap, as he was serving time for destroying a dwarf beer wagon and killing the horse and dwarf attached to it. The judge gave Stonepuke a year in prison for killing the horse and wasting beer, then reduced it to thirty days for killing the dwarf. Lucky for us we were there when he was released! All-in-all, it’s a good bunch of fellas, who only want to win and bring glory to the Orc Nation!
Speaking of Orc Nations, how do you feel about Preach buying and leading The New Orcland Grunts?
“That’s a great thing for all Orc teams. Having the league commissioner lead an Orc team can only work in our favor. I mean, you hear so much complaining about the number of Orc teams in the league, but has anyone noticed how many Lizard teams there are?! For goodness sake, we almost had to face three straight Lizard teams in these playoffs. Preach should do a good job over there.”
One last thing, Coach Caven; what was that chant coming from the Kru’s locker room after the match?
“Well, the boys were pretty excited about the win, and had seen the cheerleaders at halftime performing on the field, and decided to come up with a cheer of their own for the Finals match. I believe they were saying “Rah, Rah, Ree, kick ’em in tha knee. Rah, Rah, Rass, kick ’em in the other knee!”
Well, there you have it, ladies and gentlemen! An exclusive interview with winning Coach, Caven of the Wrecking Kru! Tune in next week to OSPN for more Kru action as they face the Skuttle Butts in the Finals! For OSPN, this is Harry Gobbo, saying so long, and if it’s fit to print, you won’t find it in OSPN!