Yesterdays Stale Buns

For the past two seasons the Elevenses have shown much promise, but results stagnate, like yesterday’s stale bakes. Perhaps Eddies retirement from the pitch and newfound obsession with squirrels has halted the Elevenses passion and drive, mediocre matches and yet to reach the illusive playoffs.

The opening two matches of Mead and Mayhem Pro season 29 resulted in narrow loss for the hopefuls, 2-1 to a rather rookiesh Skaven team with a very experienced coach in the Bubumeister from deep in the Empire, and the other to a somewhat more developed Orc team lead by a giant Dwarf, the season was almost over before it started. There was a turn in form For for the dogged coach Eddie, coming after the full moon as it so often is with this team, Eddie seems more sated after such occasions, fatter, less wild. An old rivalry with Osiris the Lizard coach, trailing 1-0 after the first half the greedy little flings held the ball for the entire second half, Planke got the ball lodged in his branches from the kickoff again, and just ran for the duration of the game. The whole team has been desperate for Plank to score since he paced up and assistant coaches were frantically fetching water and hurling it to the lumbering Treeman every time he looked like the sprint was making him too thirsty lest he root before reaching the line. The lizards couldn’t hold his push and didn’t much try for the threat of his swinging branches, the inevitable happened in the dying moments, Planke had been over full pace for the entire half, but still hadn’t reached the TD zone, such is the plodding nature of even the fastest Treemen, the coached staff had provided 85 gallons of water so far, but were out, and Plank took root walking distance from the line. Undeterred to get a result for his teammates, he yanked the ball from his twigs and flung the ball 8 yards to a fling in the end zone, the longest pass completion in all of Treeman Blood Bowl history! And a 1-1 draw.

Thus inspired, the Elevenses when on a respectable unbeaten run, earning another draw against the Granit City Grimbeards and enacting revenge on the Necro team Cadaver Robbers claiming their first victory of the season and giving them a solid beating in the process. Although they lost to the Yate Yobz the following week 2-1, they rounded off the season with a final victory, against yet another Orc team, the 3rd in the division and a regular fixture vs Rorcs of Revelation that was sadly the Rorcs final game, before their coach Hedonihilist was poached by an Amazon rabble for the following season.


The next season started in a very regular way, with a 1-1 draw with Dwarfs. The Elevenses have perfected the art of failing to lose vs what is considered the most difficult of matchups for them by combing 2 tactics. Greasing themselves up and lacing the away changing room benches with Jock’s pro-fungal Super Itch Powder. Stops the Dwarves tackling and running, then a result is ensured.

The second match of the season was a first for the Elevenses since playing in organised leagues, vs other halflings! The circus act the Flying Munchkins had started a BB adventure and had incredibly skilled little acrobat flings to dance around the pitch. Two major things hindered the Elevenses, Eddie was away with Nurgle’s Rot, giving instruction by a dodgy Cabal Vision second rate Wizard, so his instructions were garbled and often completely absent, but also the Elevenses didn’t feel right hitting other flings, and after stunning a cute, defenceless little pudding on the LOS, the Elevenses didn’t so much as make a scratch on the Munchkins for the rest of the match, the highest durability rate a halfling team has ever managed on the pitch. A 2-1 loss ensued.

After a comfortable 2-0 loss to the league leaders Saehrimnir Bloodshields the Elevenses enjoyed a highly entertaining 2-2 Draw with a very skilful Sea Elf team Pacific Blue Corals. The elves didn’t hit that hard but boy could they pass the ball! The Elevenses first and last win of their worst competitive season came against a rookie Skaven team, the 2-1 grind worked because the rats didn’t have the muscle to survive the stall on the line, despite the flings having nothing to stop them getting there in the first place. Next up was the Underworld side coached by the legend Sleepyjerp, a hard fought and deserving 1-1 draw is customary with usually very few players left standing come the final whistle, or even, at half time.

The last game of the season saw Eddie face off with an old emissary in Glowworm, this time leading a mob of Humies. They fumbled a catch on the line to fail going ahead of the flings on their own drive at the end of the half, but overcame the little blighters with superior strength and numbers in the second.

The positives were, that from such a poor recent set of results, Insane Colt, Chaos Dwarf Centaur Runner returned to the coaching staff for pre-season, and trained Chuck Forest to be a fast a sprinter as Planke, so now either of them should be considered a real scoring threat.

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